After a deflating game against Penguins tonight, where the Devils blew a 3-1 third period lead in route to a 6-3 loss, management was determined to pinpoint exactly why the team refuses to take advantage of a weaker-than-expected Metro division and climb into a playoff spot that has been left WIDE OPEN. As such, the team sought clinical help from noted fictitious physician, Dr. U.C. Pucker, who diagnosed the entire group with agoraphobia, the fear of open doors. Dr. Pucker confirmed this season is over, but suggested all is not lost. With a talented core in place, the summer treatment plan consists of rest, a new coaching staff & philosophy, some turnover on offense, defensemen, grit, consistent goaltending, confidence, and a hard look in the mirror. It’s rumored, but not confirmed, one player said, “I feel the worst for the podcasters. Not only are they our biggest fans, but they must put out a few shows a week that are entertaining, and not all doom and gloom… no small task”. 